Hey, Jack, Wanna Play Some Golf?

Oh, that Jack Abramoff, what a corrupter you are! You've taken the entire legislature and sent them to Scotland to play golf. I play golf, albeit badly; can I go and play too?

I know that you have deep pockets, it takes cash to send that bunch of freeloaders on the loose. Maybe you've got some spare change and send me too? I won't get in anybodies way, just show me the way to the first tee.

Oh, and while I'm there, could you, perhaps, pay my mortgage? It would be a nice gift for my wife, she worries about the bills so. It would just be chump change for you I am sure, and if you would, I'll vote for whomever you designate, even if he lives in Ohio. I promise.

I could just stand there on the first tee and talk with Randy Cunningham about defense policy. I could bone up on it on the flight over. Are we going on the Concorde? 'Cause I get sick going at supersonic speed. Granted, I've never gone at supersonic speed, but I'm certain that I would upchuck on some pretty British stewardess' shoes. Bad form that.

Yep, Randy would ask my opinion on the California housing market and I could ask him how to live cheaply on a borrowed yacht. I don't know anyone with a yacht, but if I played golf with one of these for sale Senators I could find one to lend me one. You have to have a strong stomache to survive those waves, you know.

Jack, I'm not asking for much, just a little. I'm not going to be greedy like the rest of your clients. I only want my share. Maybe a couple of million or so. And the wife, she likes antiques. Know where I can pick some up cheap?

Indians? Who knows from Indians? Just chisle a few more million from them. They wouldn't miss it and maybe I could recoup some of the money I dropped there on the slot machines last April. You can con them, I've heard that you have plenty of times, a little shoved my way couldn't hurt. Could it? I think I have Indian blood on my mothers side and after I get what is coming to me from the government on that, I could buy my own souveniers. Come on Jack, it's like we would be partners or something, let loose of that dough.

Ireland would look nice this time of year. Whatddayasay, let's hit the links, okay? Just post an email and I'll be at the airport at in no time. Give me a jingle, okay? Love, a faithful constituate.

Doug Adams, no more fish, okay? Ta tah.