On Being Open

I like to think of myself as an open person. I believe that my wife PZ is also, but she is not open to the concept of an "open marriage". Beats me.

I am usually open to most anything, I like to speculate, I like to ponder. And according to my daughters; I like to go on, and on and on and...well you get the idea.

The theories of aliens probing earth, earthlings and cows baffles me. I mean, what about cows attracts aliens, other than their anus'? Do cows remind them of some loved one back home? I am not too crazy being invaded by cow-like creatures, espescially ones with "mad cow" disease. Perhaps those cows that do have mad cow disease are aliens!!!

Recently I got into a conversation with a friend that is sure that aliens do exist. I've got to find better bars to hang out in. I told him that I was open and I would like to hear his thesis. Firstly, he talked about all of the alien abductions and that under hynosis they all tell pretty much the same story about their ordeal. Whitney Striber has made a cottage industry about this, however he seems to have better relationships with aliens than the majority. I asked him for proof. "What?" he says. "The proof, the proof that these people were abducted." I calmly entoned. He went on to state that for the most part, these were reputable people from all walks of life. "For the most part?" was all that I asked before he went on to another part of the concept.

He stated that for the most part, (obviously he didn't pick up on mysarcasm from my previous question), all people who have seen the aliens tend to describe them in the same manner. These days the "little green men" wear gray suits. Fashion changes, even on other worlds. They describe them with having a bulbous head with large black eyes. Seems like that decription has been around since the 50's in early science fiction movies, and it could not have possiblly imprinted anyone, I am sure.

Iasked him where the aliens hid. He asked his world famous question, "What?" I insisted, if they are around earth, where do they hide, they must hide or else we all would see them! "Well, they must have a secret base, maybe under the water, or maybe up in space. I said "Well, if they are in outer space why come we can't see them (you have to remember I am from Michigan and we do tend to talk a little strange, Yoda I think, was modeled on a former Governor of Michigan)? "What do you mean?" I happen to think that I speak very plainly and out of habit from talking to Michiganders, very slowly. One gets the idea that he was playing for time to think. I pressed on, we have satillites and the Hubble Telescope and we can see back to the Big Bang. Don't you think that we could see a measly extraterristrian space ship hovering in our galaxy?

Invisible, he retorted. "Invisible?" "Yeah, they have this like, invisible ray that they shoot at the telescope and the cameras and stuff, so we can't see them." I asked him if he ever watched Star Trek and he swore that he had not. Of course I believed him.

Then I asked him where did they come from? He stated confidently that they must have come from the middle of the Milky Way. I asked him if he knew how far away the nearest star is to us, aside from good old Sol. "What star?" Alpha Centauri, I said (because as it happens, I know everything) and I told him that it was two light years away. He brighted up and said see, there you go! Then I explained that light travels at 186,000 miles a second, 700 million miles an hour. An hour! I told him that even if he just lived to be aged 60 in earth years it would still take him 21, 900 years to get there.

"Well, I just believe they are here, that's it! That's final!", and indeed it was. You can't mess this concept up with facts, they just don't wash. At least not in Michigan. I only had one reply, "What?"

Now, if I could just use logical reasoning to explain open marriage to PZ then, maybe, we would be getting somewhere.

Ta, ta for now.