Ethicists In Love

Reading the Christian Science Monitor, my Muskegon, Michigan hometown newspaper, I found an article on the difference between a bribe and a donation. Of course we are talking about my favorite species, politicians. The article stated that the Congressional Rules cap non-campaign related gifts to $50.00 per item and $100.00 per year from any individual, including lunches or other meals. This is where if you could see me I would roll my eyes and there would be dead silence. Like the kid said to Shoeless Joe Jackson after he was banned from baseball for gambling, "Say it ain't so Dennis."
Of course Dennis Hastert, like everyone in Congress related to the superlobbyist, Jack Abramoff, is scrambling to return the money (would anyone, anyone please take the money so I can cover my, well, this is a family show so I'll just say..ass) to avoid being thrust into the spotlight. Nice try, but it don't wash here in Michigan and, I suspect nowhere else in the country. I worked for the Michigan Civil Service for 27 years and we could never take a gift, no where, no how. Of course, I did work for Corrections and it would be kind of obvious why I wouldn't want to accept any gifts from prisoners. I guess it is not that obvious to politicians.

Who was it that came up with that ridiculous amount and who did they think that they were going to get to check? "Okay, Mr Hastert, I see that you went to lunch with lobbyist Joe Blow and your half of the bill came to $50.13. Sorry, it seems you went over the limit and I'm going to have to ask you to resign from the House. Sorry, rules are rules." Give me a break. No lunch in Washington, D.C. is going to cost you less than $50.00. The cost of the lobbyists' bribes are built into the bill. Like if you want to leave a tip for the waitress, it is built into the bill. And, I am glad to see that Congress knows the difference between the lobbyist and a "individual". Eases my mind a bit about the boys in D.C.

The first paragraph of the Monitor article stated that ethicists (I swear I didn't make that word up) were conflicted in deciding what constituted a bribe and a gift. What does an ethicist do when there are no scandals in Washington? ( I am perfectly aware that I am now going in the Twilight Zone, there is never a day when there are no scandals in Washington. I mean, it's Washington, isn't it? Do they sit around and cut the cheese and read "Ethicist Today" magazine or what? Do they congregate around the ethically approved watercooler and discuss how ethical Desperate Housewifes are? This question is closely related to another question, What do professional golfers do on their vacation? Work in factories for two weeks?

I mean, here it is, a slow day at the Ethicists' office. No politician is squirming in the media primordial ooze. What do you do? Me? I'd go out and dig up some unethical behavior because you just know that some politician is being unethical someplace, somewhere. So I would be working in the Federal Bureau of Snaking Out UnEthical Politicians. I would even have a badge to flash and everything. Maybe a meersham pipe and deerslayer hat and a cloak. I'd have an English accent and say Tut tut, old boy, a lot. I'd smoke out those evil, unethical non-ethics people who shall remain unnamed.

Nah, forget about it. I make too much money from this blog to give it up. Well, since no one reads my blog that really is not true. And probably unethical of me to say that also.

Where does one go to apply for a job of say, Assistant Chief Ethicist? Do I put a resume' on Monster.Com? What would be my qualifications? How can I get my name in the paper as an Ethicist and be quoted on ethical behavior? And here is the most important part, how much would I be paid? When I interview for Ethicist would I have to fess up to previous unethical behavior? You know, like when they ask you in a real interview if you have had any prior convictions. Of coure, if I were a politician, I could answer that truthfully by saying, " No Sir, no convictions at all".

Would Jackson Browne sing about "Ethicist In Love"?

If anyone out there, maybe even a Ethicist, could answer these questions I would gladly field their call, but I suspect that this question will go into the black hole of knowledge that I will never be privy to.

Ta-ta my pretties!